Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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