There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
