oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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