Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize