Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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