It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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