i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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