lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
