you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
