I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
