She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
