Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
