ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
