Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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