i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
