at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
