I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
