obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
