I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
