yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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