I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
