I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
