Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just gift wrapped bread.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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