i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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