i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
