Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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