theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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