I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize