My friends, they love my intelligence
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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