if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
