Got a toothbrush?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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