so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
