Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
