Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
