Will you blow on my dice?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
