It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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