So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
