I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
