I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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