his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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