Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
