My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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