I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
