we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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