i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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