hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Two words: nipple clamps
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