so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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