the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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