Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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