i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
