she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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