can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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