I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize