Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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