I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my liver is dry heaving
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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