I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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