I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
