Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
