I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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