I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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