Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
