why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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