there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
