On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she pinky promised me she was 18
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
