There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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