btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
