Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
two words...techno handjob
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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