Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
