The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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