There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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