I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
