I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
