pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
