Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
