alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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