Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
