My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
