you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
