he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
