Im at strip club and am horny
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
